Love Addiction
As an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, I support individuals with healing and post-traumatic growth. Love addiction creates challenges in relationships, causing an obsessive compulsion and desire to focus on a person, whether through texting, calling, controlling, or stalking them. This addiction often manifests through unhealthy behaviors, constantly wanting to experience the excitement of “falling in love” and remaining in the honeymoon phase of a relationship. Love addicts seek the newness of being swept up in a novel romance where the romantic idea of love is far more appealing than the daily existence of a relationship.
A love relationship addict tends to be immersed in whirlwind romantic relationships characterized by brief, passionate, and intense emotions. It’s important to note that while intense emotions are a normal part of a healthy relationship, a rollercoaster of emotional, dramatic highs and lows usually marks long-term relationships for love addicts. Love addiction thrives on compulsively seeking the practice of “falling in love” and craving the feelings of excitement and fantasy by romantically connecting with new partners. Love addicts often focus an enormous amount of energy on amorous romantic relationships.
SYMPTOMS OF LOVE ADDICTION
- Feeling codependent on the partner
- Prioritizing the relationship with a partner over family, work, and friends
- Becoming depressed and obsessed when expectations are not reciprocated
- Continuously seeking romantic relationships regardless of quality
- Experiencing hopelessness, sadness, and melancholy without a romantic partner or relationship
- Facing challenges when leaving unhealthy or toxic relationships
- Making poor decisions based on emotional feelings of the moment
- Obsessively thinking about the other person, disrupting daily activities and work
- Holding a Hollywood romantic movie perspective of love, mistaking high emotions and dramatic experiences for long-term relationships
- Feeling loneliness, desperation, and worthlessness when not in a relationship
- Seeking a new relationship while still active in a current relationship
- Utilizing sexual intimacy for connection
- Leaving a relationship once the limerence and intensity fade away
- Pretending to be someone they are not to keep their partner interested
- Depending on romantic passion as a way to escape from life stress
- Wearing a mask and pretending to be someone that you are not, compromising your core beliefs, such as honesty and respect, traditions, customs, family values, and personal values, like integrity
CAUSES OF LOVE ADDICTION
Understanding the causes of love addiction can bring a profound sense of relief. While there is a lack of research, it’s believed that genetics, childhood core wounds, and trauma play a significant role. Individuals who lack self-worth, self-esteem, or emotional nurturing during childhood may find comfort in knowing that their persistent need for attention, affection, and reassurance from others is not uncommon.
Research shows a striking connection between the happiness of being in love and the feelings of pleasure in a person with a substance use disorder. There are profound similarities between a person with a love addiction and someone with an alcohol and substance addiction. Both may experience codependency, longings, cravings, mood swings, compulsions, and obsessions, leading to dysfunctional behavior. When in love, the brain releases chemical messengers like dopamine, similar to the patterns that occur with substance abuse and addiction.
Potential Causes:
- Childhood abandonment issues
- Low self-worth and self-esteem
- Childhood emotional, physical, or sexual abuse
- Traumatic, toxic relationships
TREATMENT FOR LOVE ADDICTION
You are not alone. A therapist, particularly one with experience in treating love addiction, can support you in healing your anxious attachment style (a form of insecure attachment characterized by a need for constant reassurance and fear of abandonment) and diagnose and treat this issue similarly to other forms of addiction. Genetics and childhood experiences with parents can influence love addiction. Anxious attachment can cause obsessive thoughts about whether someone wants to spend time with us. When that person does not respond, we often withdraw from life, become numb, and unable to function well.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a widely used and effective treatment for love addiction. It helps individuals discover core beliefs, cognitive distortions, and trauma triggers for addictive desires and behaviors. By changing your belief system, you can recognize that you are valuable, lovable, and deserving of finding love and intimacy. CBT can also help you develop healthier coping strategies and build self-esteem. Reach out for help to build healthy, meaningful, and satisfying relationships.
