Sex Addiction
Understanding Sexual Addiction
As an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST), Certified Clinical Partner Specialist (CCPS), Certified Partner Trauma Therapist (CPPT), and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), I provide healing and post-traumatic growth in the recovery of compulsive sexual behavior. Sexual addiction is a sexually related, compulsive behavior that interferes with everyday living and causes severe stress on family, friends, loved ones, and the work environment. Also known as sexual dependency and sexual compulsivity, this addiction completely dominates the addict’s life, making sex a priority more important than family, friends, and work. Sexual addicts are willing to sacrifice what they cherish most to preserve and continue their unhealthy behaviors.
Prevalence of Sexual Addiction
Dr. Patrick Carnes estimates that three to six percent of the population faces sexual addiction. It remains unclear whether one gender has a higher incidence of sexual addiction than the other. Research by Dr. Carnes shows that approximately 20-25% of all patients who seek help for sexual dependency are women. This male-female ratio is also found among those recovering from alcohol and drug addiction and pathological gambling.
Defining a Sex Addict
No single behavior pattern defines sexual addiction. Even the healthiest forms of human sexual expression can turn into self-defeating behaviors. When these behaviors take control of addicts’ lives and become unmanageable, they may include:
- Compulsive masturbation
- Compulsive heterosexual and homosexual relationships
- Pornography
- Prostitution
- Exhibitionism
- Voyeurism
- Indecent phone calls
- Child molesting
- Incest
- Rape
- Violence
Seeking Professional Help for Sexual Addiction
Patterns of Sexual Addiction
Acting Out: A pattern of out-of-control sexual behavior, such as compulsive masturbation, indulging in pornography, having chronic affairs, exhibitionism, dangerous sexual practices, prostitution/sex workers, anonymous sex, and voyeurism.
Severe Consequences: Experiencing severe consequences due to sexual behavior and an inability to stop despite these adverse consequences. Some reported losses include:
- Loss of partner or spouse (40%)
- Severe marital or relationship problems (70%)
- Loss of career opportunities (27%)
- Unwanted pregnancies (40%)
- Abortions (36%)
- Suicide obsession (72%)
- Suicide attempts (17%)
- Exposure to AIDS and venereal disease (68%)
- Legal risks from nuisance offenses to rape (58%)
Persistent Self-Destructive Behavior: Continuing self-destructive behavior despite understanding the painful or dire consequences.
Desire to Limit Behavior: Efforts to control behavior by creating external barriers, moving to new locations, immersing in religion, or going through periods of sexual anorexia.
Sexual Obsession and Fantasy: Using sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy, maintaining constant arousal, and creating an analgesic “fix” from natural peptides.
Increasing Sexual Experience: Regularly increasing sexual experience as current activity levels become unsatisfying, leading to progressive, addictive behaviors and emotional exhaustion.
Severe Mood Changes: Intense mood shifts related to sexual activity, often due to despair and shame from unwanted sex.
Time Spent on Sexual Behavior: Spending inordinate amounts of time obtaining sex, being sexual, and recovering from sexual experiences leads to neglected social, occupational, or recreational activities.
Sexual Dependency vs. Other Addictions
Sexual addiction can be compared to other types of addictions, such as alcohol or drug addiction. People with an addiction develop a relationship with their “chemical(s) of choice” – a relationship that takes precedence over other aspects of their lives. They need their addictive behavior to feel normal, substituting unhealthy relationships for healthy ones and opting for temporary pleasure over deeper qualities of intimate relationships.
Why Don’t Sex Addicts Stop?
Sexual addicts feel tremendous guilt and shame about their out-of-control behavior and live in constant fear of discovery. They often act out sexually to block out the pain of their addiction, driving the addictive cycle. Like other forms of addiction, sex addicts are out of control and unable to stop their behaviors despite their self-destructive nature and potentially devastating consequences. The concept of the “hijacked brain” is crucial to understanding this loss of power, where the brain has been rewired to do maladaptive behaviors in response to stress, emotional pain, or specific childhood trauma.
Available Treatment
Unlike recovering alcoholics who must abstain from drinking for life, sex addicts can be led back into a healthy sex life, much like those suffering from eating disorders must relearn healthy eating patterns. Treatment programs for sexual addiction include inpatient, outpatient, after-support, and self-help groups. These programs also offer family counseling, support groups, and educational workshops to help understand the facets of belief and family that are part of the addiction. Several treatment centers worldwide offer various treatment options.
Recovery and Support
Sex addicts achieve recovery, but maintaining that recovery can be a lifelong, day-by-day process. The Twelve Step treatment approach teaches recovery “one day at a time,” focusing on the present rather than the future. Partners of sexual addicts, often codependents, can also benefit from counseling and support groups to regain control of their lives and support their partner’s recovery. Family members and friends play a crucial role in recovery, providing emotional support, understanding, and encouragement.
