Relationship Recovery & Reconnection
Is the honeymoon over?
Do you love your partner but are no longer in love?
Do you feel disconnected and detached from your partner and not as close as you once were?
Are you longing for a meaningful and satisfying connection?
Do you desire to infuse creativity, energy, desire, and passion into your sexual intimacy?
Has the experience of an emotional or physical betrayal torn apart your relationship?
Are you suffering from affair betrayal and wondering if you can heal, repair, and reconnect your relationship?
Relationships have an ebb and flow over time, and life has a way of testing the connection’s commitment, strength, and resiliency. Whatever the concern and issue, a critical component is to deepen the connection, rebuild trust, repair the wounds, establish rituals of connection, establish intimacy, and create a meaningful and satisfying relationship ride the storms life brings.
Relationship conflict occurs in every connection. It is the manner in how we resolve the differences that can make or break the relationship. A disagreement may escalate from a mild argument into a disastrous battlefield. Affairs, infidelity, emotional and financial betrayals cause profound painful rifts within the relationship. There is hope for healing, repairing, reconnection, and recovery after a significant betrayal within the connection.
Relationship Repair, Recovery & Reconnection Techniques
Conversation & Dialogue
Set time aside to communicate with your partner and touch base about your day. Ask your partner what your low and high today were. Connect with your partner throughout the day and implement quality time together—plan for a weekend getaway to the country, beach, mountains, or another city. Explore a new environment to break the routine. Create rituals of connection at home daily to establish closeness in your connection.
Apologize to Your Partner
Take accountability and responsibility for your part of the conflict and provide an authentic apology. It is essential for forgiveness and trust that both partners accept responsibility for their role in the event and offer a sincere apology.
Learn to work together as a team and not attack and blame your partner for the problem. If you are struggling to effectively communicate your relationship issues, seeing a couples’ therapist can guide you in establishing healthy problem-solving skills and communication styles.
Create a Solid Bond
Suppose you experience intensely heated arguments and conflicts where you find yourself trapped in a repetitive cycle of perpetual problems. Establishing an agreement that you are on the same side can create a bond within your partnership—learning to work together instead of against one another. Then, healing and rebuilding can take time to move forward in a positive direction. You are establishing respect and care in your connection to build a solid foundation.
Emotional Connection & Intimacy
Establishing emotional non-sexual intimacy provides a platform for sexual intimacy to develop and grow. Express appreciation, affection, kindness, and love to your partner daily. Commit to fifteen minutes of conversation to connect twice per day, morning, lunch, or evening. Hold hands while you are walking, hug one another, kiss each other, and give a massage without the expectation of sex. Send positive, thoughtful voicemail and text messages throughout the day to let your partner know you are thinking of them.
Romance & Sexual Intimacy
Set a time to share a meal at dinner, mute your electronic devices, place the cell phone away, and focus on each other. Social media and technology are a distraction to your connection. Provide your partner with your attention to actively engage and listen. Schedule a dinner date night for intimacy on your calendar. Get a babysitter for the kids and focus on the two of you having a romantic, intimate evening together.
Explore New Adventures
Keep your connection fresh and exciting by participating in new activities together. Sign up for cooking classes, golf, fishing, snowshoeing, river rafting, learning a foreign language, tennis, hiking, walking on the beach, camping, bicycling, traveling to a new destination, and exploring a new city or county.
Create Memories & Traditions
Every day is a new chance to create a narrative story of your relationship. Storytelling is an integral part of our human connection and the meaning-making that helps us create connection. Establish holiday traditions and celebrations that are special throughout the year that you can look forward to.
Admire Your Partner’s Qualities
Focus on your partner’s good qualities and positive characteristics and speak well of them to your family, friends, and colleagues. Reframe from complaining negative comments. Instead, emphasize what qualities you admire in your partner.
Respond vs. Reacting
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by Dr. John & Julie Gottman can predict whether or not a couple will divorce. The Four Horsemen include criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. These dysfunctional reactions are toxic will poison your relationship. Contempt is the highest predictor of divorce in marriages. In contrast, the four antidotes will establish healthy behaviors that will create positive communication and understanding in your relationship. Learning to identify the Four Horsemen in your is an essential first step to eliminating toxic patterns and establishing effective communication with your partner.
Listening, Reflection & Validation
Learn to provide your partner with your attention by actively listening and summarizing what they stated in their conversation. You do not need to agree regarding their perspective of the situation. Reflecting provides your partner a chance to give additional information and an opportunity for you to obtain clarity in understanding their perspective. This process of active listening, reflection, and summarization provides validation to your partner. Likewise, you would then switch your roles giving each individual the opportunity to express themselves without interruptions fully.
Show Your Appreciation
With time, we often forget the attraction and beautiful attributes that we felt for our partner at the beginning of the connection. Remember the wonderful qualities that attracted you to your partner and verbalize them; provide a thoughtful card, flowers, or a simple sentimental gift. Language and words are powerful, providing inspiration, hope, and renewal in our relationship. The Love Languages by Gary Chapman distinguishes the five types of love languages and how we can learn our partner’s style and demonstrate to our partner in a significant and meaningful way that we care and love our partner, and value our connection.
Chapman, G. D. (2010). The five love languages. Walker Large Print.
Gottman, J. M. (1994). What predicts divorce? The relationship between marital processes and marital outcomes. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc.