Why Timing is Everything When it Comes to Marriage Counseling

Seeking help from a marriage counselor is not unlike seeking help from a mechanic. Taking your car into the shop a month after it started making a horrific noise makes little sense at that time; too much damage may have been done, and your engine may be beyond repair.

The effectiveness of marriage counseling is directly related not only to the willingness and motivation of both parties to put in the effort and timing. The time to consider marriage counseling is not when one (or both) people have already thrown in the towel.

For instance, in some relationships, when one or both partners have decided to end the marriage, they may use counseling as a “safe space” to drop the news on their spouse. This is not the best time to attempt counseling.

Sometimes, issues are too ingrained and longstanding for counseling to be truly effective. It may be too late if a couple has been building resentment toward one another for five or more years before seeking help. While counseling is a wonderful way to help couples reconnect and heal, it is not a miracle cure.

When and How Marriage Counseling Can Help

It’s important that both individuals truly want the relationship to work. Marriage counseling can catalyze real and lasting change when both parties are willing to invest time and energy.

Couples must also choose a therapist who’s a good fit. Both spouses must feel comfortable with the therapist for any progress to be made.

So, how exactly can marriage counseling help? In several ways:

• Counselors help couples identify toxic behavioral patterns and give them tools to make adjustments.
• Each partner can gain new insights and perspectives into the relationship.
• Tools help couples resolve conflicts with grace and respect to avoid escalation.
• Partners can begin to build trust and improve communication.

If you and your spouse decide to try marriage counseling, here are some tips for success:

• Take it seriously. Commit to the work and do it.
• Be open. If you’ve chosen the right therapist, you should feel free and safe to discuss your true feelings and needs. Don’t hold back. For therapy to work, both people must have the courage to be vulnerable.
• Avoid the blame game. Each person must take responsibility for their part.
• Be realistic about how long it will take before real change begins. While you can start using tools immediately, healing won’t happen overnight.

If you and your partner are experiencing marital problems, don’t wait to get help. The sooner you do, the more likely your issues can be resolved. Please get in touch with me today if you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment. I would be happy to speak with you about how I can help.