Gottman Method Couples Therapy

About Drs. John & Julie Gottman

Drs. John & Julie Gottman, world-renowned clinical psychologists, have conducted empirical research on over 3,000 couples over the past 50+ years. Their unparalleled expertise, with Dr. Gottman boasting a 91% accuracy rate in predicting divorce and having distinguished behaviors that correlate with successful marriages, instills confidence in the effectiveness of their therapy.

Overview of Gottman Method Couples Therapy

Gottman Method Couples Therapy provides an essential, highly personalized treatment plan. This customized approach ensures that each couple’s unique challenges are understood and addressed, leading to meaningful, satisfying relationships.

Relationship Challenges Addressed

• Ambivalence about whether to stay or leave
• Ineffective communication
• Recurrent arguments
• Emotional disconnection and detachment
• Unresolved conflicts
• Emotional or sexual affairs
• Mismatched sexual desires
• Financial issues
• Differences in parenting styles

Sound Relationship House Theory

1. Building Love Maps – Understanding your partner’s perspective and worldview
2. Sharing Fondness and Admiration – Thinking of each other in admiring ways instead of being critical
3. Turning Toward – Being open and responsive to each other’s bids for connection
4. Positive Perspective – Maintaining a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative communications
5. Managing Conflict – Utilizing six essential skills for constructive conflict management and negotiation
6. Making Dreams Come True – Supporting each other’s hopes and dreams
7. Creating Shared Meaning – Building a meaningful foundation for a satisfying relationship

What to Expect

The therapist establishes a collaborative relationship with the couple, discussing their relationship history, challenges, hopes and dreams, and therapy objectives. The therapy includes:

• Evidence-based research on couples’ relationships
• Gottman Connect Relationship Questionnaire Analysis
• Assessment of the relationship’s strengths and weaknesses
• Establishing admiration, fondness, and respect
• Implementing new behavioral interactions and skills
• Developing intimacy and trust
• Repairing betrayals and regrettable incidents

Assessment Process

The assessment process is thorough and comprehensive. It consists of three sessions that cover all aspects of the couple’s relationship and individual histories, providing a comprehensive understanding of the issues at hand.

1. Oral History Interview—This interview will cover the couple’s relationship history, including meeting, dating, commitment, wedding, honeymoon, first-year adjustments, parenthood, highlights, low points, family of origin, parents’ relationship, love maps, and rituals of connection.
2. Individual Interviews – Each partner’s narrative, family history, previous relationships and marriages, commitment to the relationship, hopes, fears, expectations, cost-benefit analysis, intimate partner violence, extra-marital affairs, mental health issues, traumatic life events, and substance use.
3. Questionnaire Completion—Couples complete the Gottman Connect Relationship Questionnaire individually. This comprehensive tool assesses various relationship aspects, including communication, conflict resolution, and emotional connection. The results are then analyzed, and a personalized treatment plan and interventions are provided based on the couple’s specific needs and challenges.

Benefits of Gottman Method Couples Therapy

Couples learn to build friendship and admiration, achieve self-awareness, understand their partner, promote a positive perspective, and create shared meaning and rituals of connection.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

The Four Horsemen are predictors of a relationship’s demise, but with the proper antidotes and interventions, couples can repair and manage their conflict:

1. Criticism – Attacking your partner’s personality or character.
   • Antidote: Address specific behaviors with a soft startup.
2. Contempt – Disrespecting your partner, including name-calling and sarcasm.
   • Antidote: Show respect, appreciation, and gratitude.
3. Defensiveness – Protecting oneself from a perceived attack and blaming the partner.
   • Antidote: Take accountability and validate your partner’s feelings.
4. Stonewalling – Withdrawing from interaction, including silence and changing the subject.
   • Antidote: Learn self-regulation and self-soothing, then re-engage calmly.

Conclusion

Gottman Method Couples Therapy provides a treatment plan and effective interventions to break negative, toxic patterns and restore harmony in relationships.

References

Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (p. 7). New York: Crown.